Laptops 4 Kids » Self Help

What is the Inner Child: How to Understand and Work With your Own Inner Magic and Creativity

admin — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 19:20:09 +0000

When we talk about the inner child, we’re referring to an image of your child self. This image may be one that you access by looking at a photograph of yourself as a child, or simply by closing your eyes and picturing yourself as a child. Let’s look at some of the different aspects of the child within:

The inner child of the past. This is an image of yourself that matches with a certain time in your own past. This child can help you find and access memories and feelings that will help with your healing. S/he may appear sad, lonely, lost, afraid or deeply hurt. Your brain might sometimes give you an image that is confusing at first. Whatever picture your mind provides you has valuable information. Trust your mind to provide you with the images of your child self that will inform you about the inner work you need to do.

The inner child of the present. While the inner child of the past helps you with your healing, the inner child of the present helps you with your self-care on a current basis. You won’t get accurate readings about your present emotional state from the child image until the inner child of the past is relatively nourished and healed. The work you have to do with the past child will fade over time, and the relationship with your inner child of the present will grow stronger, deeper and more enjoyable. Use this present aspect of the child within by checking in on a regular basis to see how you’re doing emotionally. Just close your eyes and picture yourself as a child. Depending on your inner clarity and where you are on your healing journey, this image will give you a current reading on your state of emotional health.

THE INNER CHILDREN OF YOUR FUTURE

Some of the images of your inner child can be a kind of bellwether for you, indicating future possibilities for your development and self-expression. Here are four different images to consider:

The divine child. Carl Jung refers to the divine child as one of the archetypes in some of his writings (C. Jung and C. Kerenyi, 1969). One of the definitions of the word “divine” is simply “from God.” If you believe we come from God, or the Creator of the Universe, then you can accept this idea. The divine child is radiant, pure, innocent, open and vulnerable. The divine child remembers where s/he came from, and never loses the connection. This is an image of our inner spiritual nature. This reconnection with the divine is the reward for your inner journey of healing, and can be seen as a doorway to a deeper and more fulfilling connection with your Creator.

The magical/creative child. This image of the child suggests a wellspring of wonderful energy. From this wellspring emerge your humor, spontaneity, creativity, joy and capacity for unconditional love. This is another way of looking at the divine child, as these qualities too are the reward for your journey of self-discovery and healing. The magical/creative child also provides a doorway to wisdom and undeveloped powers, suggesting a connection between the child and the wise elder that also lives inside each of us.

The playful child. Think of exuberance, light, energy and unabashed self-expression. This image can be seen as the magical child in action, bringing varieties of physical playfulness into everyday behavior. Since most of you had some opportunity to play as a child, accessing this part of yourself is a matter of remembering. For others of you who never had the safety in your home to play, you may have to learn how to play for the first time. Children and animals are your best teachers. Also, some adults may actually be able to help you to play!

The integrated child. As you heal, grow, expand and develop into the magnificent, brilliant being you were meant to be, all of the wonderful aspects of the child become diffuse throughout your mind, body and self-expression. In other words, the wonderful child aspects and qualities we are discussing here are available to you as an adult at any given moment on any given day in any given situation.

Your relationship with your inner child is the key to learning and maintaining self-love. This is a doorway to literally everything you want in life. The more you love yourself, the more you will be motivated to care for yourself and work diligently to create the life of your dreams. Your inner child loves to feel good and be happy, so one of the best ways you can care for this wonderful part of yourself is to become a Goodfinder!

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No, not That High School Dream Again!

admin — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 06:54:13 +0000

At least once, I’ll bet you’ve had a school-related anxiety dream. By this, I mean a dream where you were back in school, at whatever educational level, and you weren’t performing adequately.

Some people have school anxiety dreams involving absurd situations. I regularly have one where, thirteen years after the fact, someone decides I didn’t earn enough credits to graduate from high school, and I have to go back. Others have dreams involving real situations they experienced, such as actual tests they wish they’d done better on. Whatever the imaginary circumstances, school anxiety dreams seem to be a common feature of our dreamscapes.

At first glance, school anxiety dreams seem tiresome. We often wake up from such dreams wondering why we can’t dream about something more pleasant or interesting, and why these dreams have to recur so often. At best, we see school anxiety dreams as mildly refreshing, because it’s such a relief to wake up and realize we’re not actually back in school. However, I’ve come to believe these dreams actually contain very meaningful lessons for us.

I had this realization shortly after waking up from a particularly noxious school anxiety dream. As I’ve dreamed many times before, I had to go back to high school because somehow I hadn’t completed my degree. But this time, the situation in the dream was worse. Final exams rolled around, and I’d forgotten to attend or do any homework for one of my classes. Thus, I was going to take an exam whose subject I knew nothing about. I awoke with an ugly tension in my neck and shoulders, and it took me a few minutes to shake it off and return to reality.

Normally, I do my best to quickly take my mind off my high school dreams after waking up from them. But this time, I was determined to figure out what my mind was trying to teach me by repeatedly sending me this dream. If I did that, I figured, maybe it wouldn’t come back. Thus, I tried focusing my attention on the anxieties I felt in the dream. I asked myself: What was I really afraid would happen if I failed the class? Would I feel ashamed? Would my friends and loved ones disdain me? Would I die?

Surprisingly, asking these questions put me in touch with a reserve of inner strength I didn’t know I had. I realized that, if my nightmare came true-if I actually had to go back to high school, and failed a class by forgetting it even existed-I would survive. I’d find a way to earn my degree, or maybe I wouldn’t, but either way I would still manage to create an enjoyable and fulfilling life for myself. Somehow, everything would turn out okay. And, even more importantly, I’d still be able to love and respect myself.

It was then that I finally understood the lessons of this dream. I didn’t have the dream simply because I had leftover anxiety from high school, or because my unconscious mind wanted to torment me for some reason. In fact, my unconscious mind created the dream to illustrate that I have more strength and ingenuity than I often give myself credit for. Even in circumstances as unpleasant as those in the dream, my mind was showing me, I’d still pull through. And my mind, I saw with sudden clarity, specifically chose to impart this knowledge in a school-related dream to show me I had something to learn about myself.

My recognition that I’d keep loving myself no matter how badly I “screwed up,” and no matter how difficult the situation I found myself in, was perhaps even more important. That certainly wasn’t always how I felt. If an experience like the one in the dream had actually happened to me back in high school, I don’t think I would have been very loving toward myself. At that age, I probably would have gone through a period of seriously doubting whether I had a reason to keep living. My dream actually illustrated how much progress I’ve made in developing unconditional love for myself since I was a teenager.

If you’re plagued by school anxiety dreams, consider the possibility that they aren’t just attempts by your mind to torture or amuse you. Instead, suppose for a moment that your mind is trying to help you understand what a resourceful person you are, and how important it is for you to unconditionally love and appreciate yourself. Your mind is showing you that, no matter how stressful or “bad” your circumstances get, you’ll most likely be able to survive, and you’ll always be worthy of love. The best way to see school anxiety dreams from this perspective is, as I described, to imagine what the consequences would be if the “nightmare scenario” you fear came to pass.

As valuable and educational as my school anxiety dreams have been, I hope I don’t need to have more of them. But if I ever do, I hope I have the presence of mind next time I have this dream to get up, walk out of my imaginary classroom and go enjoy the world-secure in the knowledge that, no matter what happens, I’ll be able to get through it and love myself to boot.

Weaning A Breastfed Baby

admin — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 07:51:57 +0000

When to wean is a question facing all breastfeeding mums. How does a new mum know when to introduce solid food into her baby’s diet and what sort of food can a baby eat?

At present the World Health Organisation recommends that all babies be breastfed exclusively for six months. A long time, you may think, especially in the middle of a colic episode or growth spurt! However, there are real concerns for the welfare of babies that have led to this advice.

In the past many babies were fed solid foods at very young ages. It is now believed that their bodies were unable to cope with the demands this placed on them; a dramatic increase in the incidence of allergies and food intolerances meant guidelines were reviewed and altered.

The main danger that comes with introducing solid food too early is that babies may receive too much salt in their diets, leading to potential kidney problems in later life.

So, if you follow the advice of the World Health Organisation, you will see that it makes sense to put off giving food other than breastmilk for the first six months.

So how do you encourage a six month old baby to eat solids? The main thing to remember is that you should introduce solids gradually.

When your baby is ready for solid food he will begin to demand feeds more often, and may never seem satisfied for very long. He will start to take an interest in your meals and may even try to help himself! He will begin lip-smacking and chewing as he mimics you. A real sign that solids are imminent is the development of teeth.

Speak to a health-visitor if you think your baby is very hungry. If your baby is under six months you may find that he is just going through a prolonged growth spurt. If this is the case, his hunger will normally settle down after a few days when your milk supply has increased.

When your baby reaches the six month target, and you are sure that he is ready for solid food, try a teaspoonful of watery baby rice or baby porridge. Try to keep foods very bland and runny at the beginning.

Once he is used to solid foods, and is no younger than six months, you can quickly move onto adult cereals like Weetabix and Readybrek.

It is wise to only introduce one food at a time so that you can identify any intolerances or allergies. Sometimes these can take several days to take effect, so stick to one food for a few days before moving onto another.

Some babies are happy to have one solid feed a day at the beginning of weaning, whereas others require more frequent feeds. It is a good idea to offer the breast before and after each feed to maintain a good milk supply.

Cows milk and dairy products, eggs, fish particularly shellfish), nuts (especially peanuts), some fruits and foods containing gluten can all cause allergic reactions. So be careful with your choices…

From six months babies can digest protein so red meat, fish ,eggs, cheese, chicken and pulses can all be introduced.

Do not give peanuts to babies under one year old: if there is a history of allergies in your family avoid giving them for at least three years. As well a being an allergy hazard they can also be a choking hazard.

Honey should also be avoided for the first year as babies can contract botulism from it.

Eggs must be thoroughly cooked but can be introduced from six months.

Buy gluten-free baby food at the beginning of weaning, if possible, as gluten can cause coeliac disease. Usually a six month old baby can digest gluten without any problems but younger babies are more at risk.

Some babies react to citrus fruits such as oranges but alternative fruit juices can be given instead, such as apple juice.

Never add salt to food which your baby will eat. If he is ready to eat the same meals as the rest of the family do not add gravy until you have removed the baby’s portion, as gravy can contain a lot of salt.

It is best to introduce savoury foods prior to sweet foods as babies very quickly develop a sweet tooth! They tend to enjoy pureed carrots, broccoli, sweet potatoes, turnip and parsnip and any combination of these foods. Babies also love stewed apples and pears or mashed bananas and strawberries!

However, many babies dislike potatoes at the beginning of weaning. When the baby is a little more experienced with tastes and textures you can start adding some potato to his meals.

Let the baby decide when he has had enough of any particular meal. Never force-feed the baby. He only needs a little bit of solid food each day. For some babies a few spoonfuls will be enough; for others a main course and dessert are required!

If he refuses to eat one type of food avoid it for a while and try something else. Return to the disliked food after a few days and try again. Some babies can be very fussy, whereas others eat whatever is placed in front of them!

Take it slowly and it will not be such a big change for either you or your baby. Weaning should be a fun experience for you both. After a very short time your baby will look forward to his solid feeds and will even start to let you know that he wants more!

A Look at Some of the Most Effective Leadership Styles

admin — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 07:03:51 +0000

Leadership style differs from person to person according to the tasks, team and individual capabilities. However the following tips will help to achieve effective leadership styles;

* Whenever possible, delegate the work to the employee as a whole. But be sure that the employee understands the whole process. You can also connect them in a group if possible.

* Ensure that the employees understand what you exactly want them to do. You can ask questions and watch their work time to time in order to confirm that they understand the work fully.

* If you have any clear idea about successful outcome, share it with employees. You make the employees to do right things to accomplish tasks successfully.

* Identify the key points when you want feed back about progress.

* Decide in advance in what way you want to reward the employees after he achieves the task.

Effective leadership styles take time and energy but they provide more benefits. Leadership style model helps to achieve effective leadership styles. It includes how to involve employees in decision making and discussions with their supervisors time to time. The leadership style will have great impact on others. Therefore courses and programs are offered for leaders to set a good role model for their team members.

Effective leadership style courses are suitable for middle level managers who want to enhance the team spirit and effectiveness among team members. They will learn to identify preferred management styles. The course will also help the manager to choose the appropriate leadership styles that will help in facing any situations. This will also increase the ability to motivate others.

Benefits of effective leadership styles; any organization’s success depends upon the leadership style. The well chosen leadership style will bring proper accomplishment of goals and objectives. It helps to understand human behavior in wider perspective. It also helps in developing positive self awareness.

Though there are number of leadership styles, the three main effective leadership styles are discussed below:

1. Authoritarian leadership; an authoritarian leader will clearly define what are the organizational needs and what should be done and how it should be done. He will make decisions independently. Rarely does he allow others to help in decision making. Therefore the decision making in this type is less creative than other styles. Abused leader can be viewed in this style. However this style is applicable where little group decision is required.’

2. Participative leadership; this is the most important and effective leadership style. This is also known as democratic leadership. Here the leader offers guidance to his team members and he motivates his group members. The leader encourages group discussion and allows team members in decision making. As the group members will feel happy to participate, they will provide higher potentiality.

3. Delegative; Delegative leaders offer no guidance to the group members and allow them to take decision on their own. This style will be suitable when the group members are highly qualified and efficient. However this style lacks motivation. The group member may lack commitment in the later stage.

Why Families Use Coaches

admin — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 07:37:29 +0000

What do successful CEOs, happy homemakers, and professional golfers have in common? They all benefit from the resources of a life coach to help them live productive lives and fulfill their goals and dreams. The techniques that promote awareness and change, enhance relationships and bring satisfaction for executives are also powerful tools for parenting.

Training and raising a child can be more challenging than running a business! As a parent, you may not have had a healthy role model to follow, and may have learned your parenting skills through trial and error. After all, parenthood doesn’t come with a training manual. Or does it? Parent coaching is a relatively new but rapidly growing profession that is extremely different from consulting, therapy, or counseling. It is especially aimed at helping parents build and maintain close, healthy relationships with their children. The coaching process addresses specific conditions and transitions in the family’s life and provides mentoring for parents and children through which mutual respect develops. By discovering what the obstacles or challenges might be, one can choose a course of action that makes life more pleasant for the whole family. Coaching teaches empowerment and growth through honest examination of one’s life and goals, and creates an effective means to a win-win solution thereby lessening conflict and trauma that may have to be dealt with in a counselor’s office later on.

Why do families need coaches?

Today’s families are scattered across the globe and the network of community is frequently weakened or lost through separation, divorce, relocation, job demands and other changes. Even when you do have close access to family members who have “been-there-done-that”, you may not get the best advice from them. Best friends or parents may think they know what’s best for you, but they often promote their own staunch, old-fashioned opinions without considering the child’s personality, long-term goals or other factors in a situation. For example, Aunt Suzie may tell you that your child is acting up because you divorced her father—that you should have stayed married no matter what. While the marriage may have seemed ideal to your aunt, the affect of the divorce was far less upsetting to you and your daughter than being in a situation where you and your daughter were being emotionally and verbally abused daily by her father. What Aunt Suzie may not understand is that you and your daughter are both better off having very limited contact with the man that outsiders (Aunt Suzie included) consider Mr. Wonderful. Coaching involves the person’s mind, body, emotions and spirit as well as the social and cultural context of a situation. A coach would consider all sides of the issue, and support your decision while helping you and your daughter adjust to being a single-parent family.

Parenting is complicated by our aggressive society where competition for social and economic status concerns your child, and where peer pressure and feeling accepted and safe at school distracts from the learning experience. The educational system as a whole tries to force every child into an identical mold rather than honoring individual learning styles. All the while the media and entertainment industry challenge your values at home. Broken promises, disloyal friends, gender and racial inequality and sexual promiscuity can jeopardize your child’s efforts to cope. The result may be seen as conflict in family relationships, lowered self-esteem, and academic underachievement. These difficulties indicate an area where coaching is needed, and where you may become proactive by teaching your children to make decisions using their best judgment and problem solving skills.

A human being’s beliefs about him/herself and the surrounding world have usually been programmed by eight years of age. The role of most psychologists and counselors is to solve the problems manifesting as a result of negative, limiting or traumatic experiences of the earlier years. Well-meaning adults concerned for children may underestimate the divine potential which lies within each child. By trying to mold their children into what they believe they should become, parents unintentionally destroy the child’s ability to hear and follow their internal guidance. Yet, if we have not found our own inner voice, how can we help our children find theirs? Coaching can help both the parent and the child follow Divine guidance that promotes well-being and healthy self-esteem.

People usually seek a counselor to assist them in changing their child’s noncompliant behavior. By the time help is sought the child or teenager may be angry and defiant, and parents may be exhausted and ready to give up. Unfortunately many of these children end up on medication or in therapeutic boarding schools without ever having discovered why the child or teenager is so frustrated. Building on the premise that we cannot change anyone else, we can only change how we choose to be or respond, the goal of parent coaching is to control or change the situation, not the child. Rather than asking how we can change our children, we should ask how we can help ourselves out of our mistaken concepts and fears, and overcome our lack of confidence.

What are some specific instances where parent coaching may be helpful?

1. Your children are fighting constantly and you are tired of playing referee.

Did you know that sibling rivalry is not only a common behavior, but considered normal in healthy families? Why? Because it teaches conflict resolution. As adults we have developed skills to resolve conflicts in an effective and civil manner, but how did we develop these skills? We learned them by setting and defending our own boundaries and by negotiating and accepting the boundaries of our siblings or playmates. A parent’s job is not to solve children’s problems, but to teach them how to make compromises and solve problems on their own. The aim of coaching is to allow children to take control of their lives and their learning, to think beyond the present and instant gratification, and realize they are responsible for the impact their decisions have upon themselves, the ecosystem and others.

2. Your child has a terrible habit of lying

Everyone would like honesty from those who communicate with us, and no one likes being told lies. We want to hear the truth about what a person is thinking, feeling or doing. When children make up stories and excuses the reason could be because he/she is afraid of telling the truth or fears being punished. A coach can show you ways to create a discussion environment where you can express your displeasure or disagreement concerning a particular behavior, while showing love and acceptance that helps your child feels safe enough to tell the truth even if it conflicts with your expectation of him/her. A coach may also look for other reason why the child feels insecure and distrustful of the world around them, and examine your method of dealing with the child. You may be giving orders without explaining the reasons behind them, then when the child doesn’t follow instructions, punishment ensues. If a child feels criticized or fears punishment he/she will try to hide his/her actions. In order to avoid your displeasure the child may eventually stop telling you the truth. Knowing that there will always be love and acceptance, keeps the channel open for honest communication.

3. My daughter is very disrespectful of me and other adults.

“Honor thy sons and daughters.” That sounds opposite to what we’ve been taught. Yes, children should be taught to honor their parents and elders, but how can a child learn to honor others if they themselves have not been the recipient of honor or respect? No child is too young to be spoken to with reason and logic. Even if the child cannot understand all that you are saying, he or she will understand that he/she is being respected. Respect builds self-esteem and confidence which are building blocks for successful living. If we pay attention to how we train our children they can become joyful, well-adjusted citizens living in integrity with themselves and their environment.

What should I look for in a parenting coach?

A coach should be someone who is not associated with your family or workplace, someone who can help you see your own potential, set goals and choose action steps, and then hold you accountable to staying on track. A coach is able to connect you with to people and information, and offer objective feedback or another perspective – they do not give advice, but may refer you to a therapist if you need to work on certain issues or help you get “unstuck”. A coach should encourage you to empower and affirm yourself. A coach will always tell you the truth and expect you to do the same. The results are up to you, not the coach. You are the player in your own life, and you must take action to make things happen.

Old habits can be changed, but it is not a simple process. Few people are successful the first time they consciously attempt to try a healthier path than the one they are currently on, and this may be discouraging. You may embrace healthy ideas consciously and not be able to accomplish here and now what you know you are capable of doing. This is because each person’s unique assortment of fears, attachments, emotional wounds, unmet needs, obsolete strategies, socio-cultural pressures resist our efforts to change. We may go through the cycle several times before we get to where we need to be. A coach reminds the individual that each attempt is a learning experience, and encourages him/her to keep trying especially when the new path goes against the grain of society and family traditions.

You don’t have to wait until problems arise to connect with a coach. In fact, having resources in place and being familiar with the coach ahead of time will ease any tension associated with getting help when it is required. In seeking a coach, find a discerning person who offers support and boosts your confidence while offering sound advice.

How to Get Rid of Panic and Anxiety Through Self-help

admin — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 02:13:15 +0000

In our lives, we all want peace and happiness. We hope for a happy and pleasant environment around us all the time. However, to have all this we must be living in an ultimate world. However, we all know that our world is not ideal and tensions, panicky situations and anxieties arise every now and then.

However, we should not be afraid of them and whenever these situations arise we must be armed to deal with them in the most efficient manner possible. For this, we must first be able to examine our emotions and accept them as they are. Understanding the emotions can help you to learn to control the emotions without allowing the devastating feelings and emotions take control. As the last step, we must try to transform all such negative emotions like anxiety and panic into encouraging ones.

Anxiety has often been connected with worry and both are understood as the same emotion. Nevertheless, this is not true because although both are forms of fear but anxiety is related more to time and resources constraints whereas worry is a result of an anxiety that something we plan will not work out well.

Anxiety occurs because sometimes we need to complete a tight-string project and we fall in a rush. The project is of greatest importance and because of shortage of time or any other contributing factor you will not be able to terminate it to perfection or on time.

Often worry also results from the same reasons. Nevertheless, the major difference here that we must recognize is that it may not just be a result of lack of resources but may be also due to some problem with your child or spouse or any other personal issue. Worries are a result of our personal attachments with certain beings or things.

Since childhood, all these feelings are absorbed by our mind. We see the way people react to certain situations and emulate them. While some people behave in appositive manner to situations other don’t. Whichever affects us more determines how we behave to those situations.

To throw away all these anxieties and worries one must follow a proper system and diet. In helping you to reduce anxiety and panic situations, the below mentioned points will go a long way.

1.Regular exercises like an early morning walk, jog, or aerobics.

2.Try yoga. It helps in getting better your blood flow and reduces hyperventilation.

3.Whenever a panic situation arises, try to concentrate with deep breathing.

4.Try meditation as a solution searching method.

5.Follow a healthy low fat and high vitamin diet.

Following the aforementioned routine and steps will help you in freeing yourself from negative thoughts and emotions and creating a positive atmosphere around you. Try these positive countermeasures to anxiety whenever it strikes.

1.We must accept that whatever is happening to us has no purpose to harm us. We must give whatever we do, our best shot but it is useless to worry about the results. Once you have given it, your best shot there is no reason why you should fail, so why panic.

2.We must have self-belief in ourselves. We must tell ourselves that nothing is impossible unto us and that we can face all the problems of life without giving up on them.

3.We should never think low about ourselves. Like everyone else, we are all humans and have equal rights to life. We should never worry about what others think about us because at the end of the day you are your best judge.

4.You must be reminiscent yourself at all times that life is meant for being lived every moment and not for worrying every moment what the next will bring about.

A New Understanding of Anxiety Disorders and Depression?

admin — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 23:46:41 +0000

With anxiety-related problems (including depression as such a problem), we watch ourselves in everything we do and it’s not difficult to appreciate how this self-absorption can lead us to believe that we are the only one with such a problem. This, in itself, strengthens the ‘what’s wrong with me’ beliefs, yet nothing could be further from the truth.

Millions of people worldwide experience these problems; it is estimated that in America alone over thirty million people suffer from some form of anxiety disorder. The most common one is Social Anxiety Disorder (or Social Phobia), closely followed by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Around one in thirty to fifty people suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and one in ten are reported to have a specific phobia. This doesn’t include vast numbers of people who have depression or those living anxious lives ruled by shyness or stress.

Many people feel they are working below their potential and are frustrated, more people are unhealthy and overweight than ever before, greater numbers of teenagers are depressed and problems involving anxiety and stress account for the majority of visits to doctor’s surgeries. In a world of better education, food, hygiene and healthcare, emotionally, society is crumbling

The unique pressures in modern society no doubt play a part in the tension and stress found in these problems, but anxiety problems are nothing new; they are part of the human condition and the following quotation, from over three hundred years ago, sums them up aptly:

‘The mind is it’s own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven’ – John Milton (1608–1674)

For centuries, writers, poets and artists have tried to convey the inner turmoil and conflict that is often associated with existence.

The world we live in personally is dictated by what goes on in our mind, irrespective of what external reality seems to be. Nowhere can this be seen more profoundly than in the case of Anorexia Nervosa. How can a painfully thin girl look in the mirror and see herself as fat? Even to the extent of pointing out which areas of her body are too fat? Anxiety problems are reality to us … but how do we get like this?

Vast resources, in the form of research, therapy and medication, have been used in an attempt to resolve these problems, with, on the whole, a spectacular lack of success. Problems are defined, named, classified, listed, ordered, placed in categories, placed in sub-categories in an attempt to understand and control them – strangely enough, exactly the same attempts to gain control are found in most forms of OCD. And while some argue that benefits of this system include a more accurate diagnosis and subsequent better treatment (which is debatable given such a lack of success) others argue that it is inaccurate, misleading and overlooks the bigger picture.

When we look at the backgrounds of large numbers of people with anxiety and depression problems, they are often strikingly similar in various ways. Negative life experiences and subsequent feelings involving self worth and insecurity occur across the board with such regularity and are so similar that its hard to see how they cannot possibly play a major role in these problems.

Ranging from acute shyness and stress to anxiety disorders and depression, each problem is unique to the individual. Expressions of social phobia vary from person to person just as those of agoraphobia vary from panic disorder and GAD varies from OCD. However, as unique to the individual these problems are and as different to each other they are, these problems develop for similar reasons and strengthen in a similar way. They do so in a manner that reflects the way our mind and body works. Every human being on the planet (indeed, every animal) is built in such a way as to develop an anxiety disorder given the right (or wrong) set of negative life experiences.

Anxiety disorders (and severe depression) develop from our life experiences (bad ones) and how they affect us. At their heart lies neither illness nor disease and not even disorder for these problems aren’t irrational, they develop for a good reason – for our survival. They are self-destructive behaviours that we learn, behaviours that reflect our inner-self trying to protect us. Behaviours that, in trying to help us survive, actually cause us harm for they never ‘touch’ the real problem. Once we understand how we learn these behaviours and why, there is a real cure.

Stress Relief Techniques For A Preschool Child – Part One

admin — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 01:00:45 +0000

Many years ago, children from birth to four or five years of age exercised natural preschool stress relief. Training in preschool stress relief was both unknown and unnecessary. Stay at home mothers never worried about trying to increase self-concept in their preschool children. They did not work to instill artificial coping skills and specialized anger management skills in pre-schoolers. Common sense dictated preschool stress relief efforts.

In the twenty-first century, however, many who themselves mismanage stress are seeking stress relief techniques for a preschool child or children. I have been appalled, both as teacher and principal, to see the negative, detrimental changes since I began my career. While we struggle to instill greater measures of preschool stress relief, we actually increase stress on young children.

From my viewpoint as career educator of more than 30 years, I would like to address the issue briefly. What are – or should be – appropriate preschool stress relief techniques?

Defining Preschool Stress

Preschool stress is the response of a preschool child to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual demands made upon the child. When the response is positive, the preschooler experiences eustress. When the response is negative, the child experiences distress. Both are stress: “eustress” is beneficial, happy stress; “distress” is unhealthy, miserable stress.

What Preschool Stress Is Not

1. Preschool stress is not the teacher’s demand that Sally come to the story circle and sit quietly. It is Sally’s response to that demand. Preschool stress relief must focus on the response.

2. Preschool stress is not the teacher’s demand that Bobby try again to count to 20. It is Bobby’s response to that demand. Preschool stress relief must focus on the response.

3. Preschool stress is not Mother’s demand that Sasha stop crying when left at preschool. It is Sasha’s response to that demand. Preschool stress relief must focus on the response.

Preschool Stressors versus Preschool Stress

The most prevalent error in attempts at preschool stress relief is the confusion of stressors with stress.

1. Preschool stressors, on the one hand, are always present. They are an inescapable part of life. Preschool stressors themselves should never be viewed as the cause of stress. Stressors are simply demands made upon the preschool child in one form or another: to cooperate; to learn; to share; to comply with rules; to exercise self control; etc.

2. Preschool stress, on the other hand, is the preschool child’s response to demands made upon him or her. If the child willingly accepts the demands, a feeling of eustress takes over. Endorphins are released and the child is cheerfully compliant. Preschool stress relief is not needed for eustress. If the child rejects the demands, however, distress takes charge. Distress, the fight-or-flight mechanism, releases adrenalin and the child becomes combative or fearful, and non-compliant. Distress does call for preschool stress relief.

Underlying Reason for Preschool Stress

The ultimate, underlying reason preschoolers experience “distress” rather than “eustress” is their inner response to relinquishing control or having no one in control.

Preschool children, like adults, want control in their lives. They want and need boundaries. On the one hand, they don’t want someone else controlling their lives. They want to steer their own lives. The term “terrible twos” originates in the preschooler’s desire to be independent of outside control. On the other hand, they want someone to exercise firm, loving control, and if the adult does not do so, the child will attempt it.

Basic Requirement of Preschool Stress Relief

Stress relief techniques for a preschool child must understand and build on the underlying reason for stress if they are to succeed. Preschool stress relief must focus on the child’s determination to exercise control, or have firm control exercised over, all 4 areas of his or her own life: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual.

Weeding Out Stressors

Preschool stress relief should not concentrate on wedding out stressors. The stressor is seldom at fault. No matter how great, the stressor itself does not determine how the child responds to it.

It is an error to believe that any of the following 7 approaches (which I have witnessed often) will accomplish preschool stress relief.

1. Adults give commands, and let children comply or not, as they wish.

2. Adults let children roam the room at will.

3. Adults let children refuse obedience until the count of 5, 10, etc.

4. Adults separate children who refuse to get along together.

5. Adults ignore misbehaving children, hoping desire for attention will win.

6. Adults classify misbehavior as stress behavior, and permit it.

7. Adults teach preschool stress relief techniques that focus on relaxation, smiling, and deep breathing, but neglect the root cause.

Successful preschool stress relief has a proven formula, which we address in Part Two of this article.

5 Tips to Gain Self Confidence

admin — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 09:00:56 +0000

Some people struggle with low confidence. It can be so low as to be painful and hold a person back from doing many things in life.

The longer you do not address the lack of self confidence, the worse things will get. It becomes a vicious circle of thinking poorly about yourself and thinking others think poorly of you. It begins to affect everything you do just as though you had put on dark glasses – it colors your world.

Gaining self confidence is a process that can take some time, but is certainly worth it. How can you build on it? It is a matter of changing the messages you might have been given as a child, and your self talk now.

Here are some tips to gain confidence, feel better about yourself and your situation in life.

1. Listen to what you tell yourself.

Much of what we say to ourselves, when we have low self confidence is negative. Catch what you are saying to yourself and turn it around to something positive. It may take a while, as it becomes a habit. Just start listening and then use the second tip.

2. Use positive self talk.

Talk to your self in a positive way, even if you need to talk to yourself outloud. This can be anything from affirmations, to thinking positively about your accomplishments. This helps gain self confidence.

For example, when learning something new: Maybe you say “Man, I am stupid. I just can’t get this”. Change that to: ” I have learned many challenging things in the past (then list a couple), I see other people doing this, and I can learn it too”.

3. Make A List of your good points and accomplishments.

Come on, you DO have some good points, and you have accomplished some things. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Take some time to write a list. This will get it out on paper where you can see it. Maybe you have never really taken a look at your good points, or accomplishments. Pat yourself on the back figuratively. Good job.

4. Reference Your List

Put your list where you will see it every day. If you don’t want other people to see it, how about putting it in your sock drawer. Every day you get clean socks and can remind your self of your positive aspects to gain self confidence. If you don’t mind other people see it, put it in a prominent place. Put a mini one in your wallet to refer when away from home.

Wherever you put it, start your day out by reading the list over. Read it again in the evening.

Change your list as you need to. You may think of new positive aspects of yourself, or be able to add to your list of accomplishments.

5. If you start to feel down or overwhelmed, give yourself a talking to. Everyone goes through things in their life, what ever brought your self confidence down, is not often permanent. It will change, or time will go bye and people will forget.

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